The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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