I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
