Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
