Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
