Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
tell me about the fingering
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
