i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
