Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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