Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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