he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize