good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
