she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
