hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
