What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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