Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
