What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
