If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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