Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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