It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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