Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
