I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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