so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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