I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
