i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
