i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
