awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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