no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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