Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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