K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
