she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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