I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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