Non-Jews are for practice
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
