So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
