I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
