In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
