so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
