I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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