I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you win again, gameday.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
