You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
