i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
