Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So squirting runs in the family.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
