one two three fourrrrnication!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
