He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
