Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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