I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
