he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
