The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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