this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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