we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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