when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
