HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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