It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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