new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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