ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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