so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
