Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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