the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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