I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
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Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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