So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
