So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
