Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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