An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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