I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
