youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
