I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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