friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
