Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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