Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
