help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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