You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
