I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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